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So he (David) shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them by the skillfulness of his hands. (Psalm 78:72 NKJV)

David’s leadership succeeded, in part, because of two key characteristics: the inward integrity of his heart and his outward skills. Every great leader must have this combination and work on it daily if they are to continue to grow in the Lord and succeed at their calling.

The first time I was in London, I bought a subway ticket and headed into the labyrinth of tunnels and platforms. I finally found the platform for the train I wanted and walked out on the platform where I saw a sign repeated the length of the platform. It read, “Mind the Gap”. That was a new phrase to me, and I wasn’t sure what it meant. Then my train arrived, and the passengers exited. It was my turn to board the train, so I walked to the platform’s edge and looked down before stepping into the train car. There it was! The sign, a sizable gap, and then the threshold of the train car door. The phrase instantly clicked in my brain, and I safely entered the train without falling to the tracks. But something else happened too. The Lord reminded me that there are lots of dangerous “gaps” in life of which to be mindful. Gaps of attention, integrity, prayer, consistency, attention to detail, being present with others, putting Christ first in my life...well, you get the idea.

David was far from perfect, but I think it was his integrity of heart that endeared him to the Lord. He was skillful in leading his men in battle, in diplomacy, and in governance. He was skilled at leading worship and writing. He also had gaps that he failed to mind which caused much harm. Yet, God used him in profound ways.

As a leader, the first person you lead is yourself, and that requires self-discipline. Leaders must…
• Keep the main thing the main thing: Christ first.
• Challenge your excuses.
• Develop your people and leadership skills.
• Stay humble and be accountable.
• Mind the gap.

By “minding the gap” you will grow in your calling and leadership.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness. (Titus 2:7 NIV)

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We have all experienced a person or two who seem to dominate group sharing or prayer time. When this happens, we may feel frustrated that others aren’t able to share. We often feel unsure of how to address the issue in a way that expresses care for both the individual and the group. Here are a few quick tools to help in these situations:

• Review the group guidelines for sharing: Emphasize “being respectful towards each other by not interrupting and by giving everyone an equal opportunity to share.” For prayer time, remind the group that we want to give time for everyone to ask for prayer. Limit participants' requests to themselves and their immediate family, and focus on sharing the specific need without a lengthy background story.

• Affirm and redirect: When they are speaking, wait for them to pause, catch their eye, hold up your hand, and say, “That’s a really good point.” Then, turn to someone else and ask them what they think.

• Stop and go: If they interrupt or start to talk over another person, look them in the eye, hold up your hand (stop), and say, “I’m sorry, X was talking first.” Then turn (go) to X and say, “Now, what were you saying?”

• Side bar: If they continue to interrupt and dominate the conversation, ask them to stay after the meeting and then give them grace while speaking the truth in love. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and reveal anything that would help the other person to grow in self-awareness and care for others. Say something like, “You have lots of great ideas and love to share, but we need to get others involved in the conversation too. Please help me get other people talking and sharing in the group by letting at least five other people talk before you share.” If they also interrupt or talk over people, add, “You may not know you were doing this, but you interrupted several people who started talking before you.”

• Going deeper: During your discussion, they may reveal why they dominate discussions or prayer time. Maybe they were not valued as a child, were not allowed to talk or express feelings, or are just insecure in group settings. Let them know you appreciate their willingness to be vulnerable, you value them, and because it’s your job to ensure everyone is heard, you’ll watch out for them. You may also see woundedness that needs pastoral counseling or would benefit from joining Celebrate Recovery, which you can suggest. Finally, end in prayer, affirming God’s love for them and His ability to help them grow in this area.

Adapted from How to Quell a Dominating Personality in Your Group - Practical Tips from an Experienced Facilitator by Ron Wilbur.